I have been missing my Grandma lately, wishing she were here
to talk with once again. She was a difficult woman at times and I would get
nervous when we talked, mostly because I was afraid of being trapped into
revealing too much about a family member and having them get angry with
me. Grandma was known to write shaming
letters to people if she knew what their current sins were. She felt it was her
duty and even wrote to at least one president! Even though her letters were
beautifully written, I often thought that this was a cowardly way of
admonishing people…that she was not really doing the Lord’s work, but her own;
especially whenever I was the recipient of one of her letters!
When I was a young mother and living far away from family, I
received one of Grandma’s notorious letters. She felt the need to tell me that
I should never leave my babies at home alone, even if it was across the street
at the neighbor’s house within full view of my house to drop off a cake! I was
hurt and very angry that she would be so uncaring about how lonely I was and
needing to make friends. To make it a little worse, she had enclosed a couple
of brochures on how to be a good mother. I decided to write her back and tell
her how much she hurt me. I received silence in return. She and I had been pen
pals and her silence was loud. I finally was able to come back for a visit
after months of being away and Grandma was invited out to my mother’s house for
dinner. She couldn’t even look me in the eye! So before I left town the next
day, I called her to settle this matter between us. She proceeded to inform me
that she was very hurt by my letter. I was astonished to discover that she
believed herself to be the victim! I apologized but stayed firm in restating
how her letter had hurt me when I was very vulnerable and lonely. She finally
apologized and thanked me several times for calling. We both learned a valuable
lesson and became better friends. I also learned that letter writing should be
used to communicate love; sermons need to be given in person or not at all.
I take after this
tiny woman who was a giant in our family. I too, enjoy writing letters, much
more than talking on the phone. I
sometimes feel compelled to speak truth into people’s lives. I am also keenly
aware of pride in my life. Grandma often confided in me that she struggled with
pride. It was probably her biggest downfall spiritually and relationally. If I
could talk to her today, I would share with her my own sin of pride and ask for
her advice. She was a bible student and a prayer warrior who taught many bible
studies in her home and the women’s Sunday school class for many, many years at
her church. She quoted scripture from memory at every opportunity. I have often
wondered why someone who loved the bible could struggle so much with pride and
with being able to humble herself enough to admit when she was wrong and
apologize when needed. Did she let God’s word seep into her heart and allow it
to soften her? Was her studying simply feeding her pride for the next time she
would teach? I wrestle with the answer; I desire to know whatever God wants to
show me about myself. I also wonder if the Lord will have me struggle with this
my entire life to keep me leaning on Him!
Every year I pick a word with the Lord’s prompting that he
wants me to focus on. Then I search the bible for a verse that confirms my word
or changes it. This year I felt that my word should be humility. And, sure
enough, a devotional that I am reading gave me this verse, “I served the Lord
with great humility and tears, although I was severely tested…” Acts 20:19a
Thank you Lord for Grandma’s honesty about her struggle;
honesty is a good place to start. Now help me not to become prideful of any
minuscule amount of humility you help me acquire this year.
